Why - Y - Why?

Why?

That is such an important question.

I truly believe that the more you ask the question "why", you begin to get to the root and/or bottom of any and everything.

Why is it that, if I say something that is perceived to be negative about a venue, I will receive negative comments or statements about my remarks? However, once I show that my comments are valid, based on the fact that reviews by complete strangers echo a similar tone with a much more critical eye; no one says a word?

Then, I began reading over everything that I have blogged about since the beginning. I started from the bottom and read all the up to my most recent post.

What I discovered was that, in the beginning I truly was writing from the heart, I wasn't writing to please or humor anyone....well, perhaps I was. The person whom I was trying to please and humor was myself.

Then, I began to get emails, and more emails, and more. The more I began to see just how many people responded to the things that I had written, then it made me fully aware that people were reading and that people really cared, and wanted to hear what I had to say next.

By this time the tone of my blogs began to change. I began to try to be honest, yet at the same time try and entertain.

I wanted to tell everyone what I've witnessed first hand; from conversations with nightclub owners, GMs, and promoters in Hollywood.

I wanted to let the world know why, some people get into certain places and others simply don't.

Why most Hollywood venues come and go. What really happens at Hollywood after-parties, and what happens after the after-parties (btw, the blog post "Walk of Shame" is a true story).

Why is it, that this blog has become so popular with some and hated by others?

What I was able to figure out is that I simply told the truth and spoke from the heart.

Personally, I don't care for large Hollywood nightclubs, they remind me of Vegas. If you've been to Vegas its fun for a day or so, but not every night.

You see, in Vegas they just line everyone up...and make them pay. You don't feel a sense of belonging or a connection in anyway to anything.

I have always believed that the cool Hollywood scene was a lot less impressed with AVERAGE stuff for AVERAGE people, and the cool kids who are usually in the know, are also a lot less impressed with loud, flashy, big venues.

I had posted something before entitled "Quality vs Quantity". All the super mass texting & BBMing is kinda lame. What many of these so-called promoters do is group all the names (i.e., all of the Kim's & Kimberely's in one group), so when they send out a text the says "Hey Kim, what are you doing tonight?" that just went out to a group of 30 - 40 Kim's. Great, right?

Someone who has been in the Hollywood nightlife scene for quite sometime now, David Schneider who once said, "once venues become to large, quality goes right out the window".

The nightlife scene has really taken nose dives with the birth of Facebook. I mean, everyday you log into Facebook you will receive well over 10 event invites a day.

So what hurts the scene is every person with over 1,000 Facebook friends thinks that they are promoters; pushing and directing random people to random places.

Then you have many of these so-called promoters battling each other to gain more Facebook friends. I mean, do you really need 5,000+ Facebook friends???

Some of the greats in the nightlife game never needed 5,000 people whom they don't know to fill up a venue, to have a great time.

Johnny Zander one of the creators of the original "Green Door" on Ivar, to this day doesn't have a twitter or huge Facebook following, yet he is opening something that people will be talking about for quite sometime very soon.

Green Door had a great little run for over a year with just 5 people running it. Each guy would host their own night, then collectively they would all host things together. People came there because they knew the guys personally, not from some Facebook random friend request.

People want connection and growth and something new.

The status quo is wack. And that is what you get at most places.

Mondays at The Bronson Bar has been going on for over four years, and is a great spot to hang out and meet quality peeps. Why? Quality control is the key.

I wrote something a few days back about a really nice Wednesday night spot in Hollywood, but I know that the worst thing I could do is blast it for all to come and post it on their twitter and Facebook status updates.

Venues open & close quickly because once the general public finds out about something....its pretty much over and done for...and the clock begins ticking.

I believe that's why the owners of the Roger Room did not want any press about their venue. The people who are in the know, already know.

I look back at why I started this blog and again, its was because one of my dear friends had been telling me for the longest time to write about what you see when you go out, because you have a way of capturing the essence of the scene (special thank you to him for those words to keep pushing me to do this).

However, I'm now only writing this blog for the tiny few that want to hear about quality over quantity.

So, no more bashing wack venues just for shits and giggles. These venues are bad because they don't have the consumer in mind when they are designing them, they only have their bottom line (aka $$$) in mind which leads to them being in business for 3 - 9 months.

Bottle service and paying covers are for lame-o's & posers.

Bottle service was a way to protect those who are so-called "cool" and "in the know", while those who aren't have to buy bottles in order to be with the cool kids & scensters.

"You can pay for school, but you can't buy class" - Jay-Z

Again, if you walk up to a spot in Hollywood, and the door person doesn't know you and you don't know them, then you and your friends are not the right kind of people and bottle service is your way in tourists.

So this is my last blog post, until my next blog post (get it).

And why do I have a picture of a lady with her boobs out? I had to grab your attention somehow. Did it work?

Geez, Really???

It never fails.

Once I write something about a venue someone from the venue has to email me and argue over what I said.

Ok, I get it.

You believe that I have a personal beef, or an issue with you and your establishment.

Well, I am here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth.

And to prove it to all you venue owners and managers, I'm going to let the people tell you what they think of your establishment(s).

After all, these are the people who help keep your lights on and help with those high mortgage payments of yours.

So, if you click on each picture of each venue, you will then see what real people have to say about your place of business.

Honesty is so refreshing. LMFAO.....LOL.



Notice the rating(s)



Again, these are not my words.



Here is a newer venue in West Hollywood.



Wow, that had to hurt a little.



So as you can see, I didn't write these things...the people did.

So, when I say that certain places are hot, and others are not, I'm not just making these things up.

For example.

Listen to what people have to say about this hot Friday night spot:



I rest my case

State of the Union

What a year it has been.

Let us recap and review, as we begin to move on to a brand new year.

In 2009, the Hollywood night life scene witnessed quite a few changes.

We saw some of San Fernando Valley's finest come in and shake up things with their urber style and grace.

From guys wearing the proper uniform to enter Kress, Empire, Les Deux, Hwood and Marbella on any given night (see pic below, for the perfect example of what to wear when you arrive to these venues).



Let us not forget about the totally awesome hair styles of the "faux hawk" and blow outs:



And the lovely ladies rocking not only the best Forever 21 outfits, but the boho head gear as well:



We have seen what the inside of these venues look like (by "these venues" I am referring to the above mentioned venues):



We've seen the effects of what tooooo much partying inside the nightclubs looks like outside of the nightclubs at 2am in the morning.



We have witnessed what goes on after-hours at after-parties:



As well as......



We have seen a renewed interest with House music in the nightlife scene, with every venue now featuring a "house music" night (which isn't any different than the other "house music" night at the other venues).

While cool spots like "Roger Room" open (btw, the owners of Roger Room have asked me not to mention their venue, because they don't want the publicity) other spots like "Area" have closed.

We've witnessed the originators of all things cool in the nightlife scene:




to randoms posting countless invites via Facebook:



Now, I know that times have been hard for some, and the nightlife experience has been a little rocky for most, however we are close to forming a more perfect union.

I've been told there are some really great projects coming up in this coming year to bring in a bit of excitement that has been missing for quite sometime now..

So, I'm here to tell ya, that there is something better developing down the road. There are several hot places in Hollywood & West Hollywood to visit, hangout and have a great time. Where bottle service is not required for entry, and there are no such words as cover charge.

If Bottle Service is for Tourists, then paying a Cover Charge is for wimps.

Stay tuned for new insights, to new venues, with new stories.

My Response....

So, I actually took the time to go through all [178] unopened emails many of you have sent in to me(sorry, I really haven't check them at all).

First, I'd like to thank all of you that wrote hate mail (I personally find those emails the most entertaining), probably because most of them seem like they have been written by third graders (btw, there is a big difference between: their, there, and they're) just an fyi.

However, many of you wrote great compliments about what I've blogged about and found most it funny (thank you again).

Second, let me address a few themes that have seem to overlap in the emails.

I don't hate or have any issues with Middle Eaastern people. I'm just telling funny stories or things that I have personally witnessed and express them on this blog.

Have of the reason why I chose to address the issues of Middle Eastern people and the Hollywood night life scene is that for the most part, there is a large element of truth to what I've been writing.

At all of the Hollywood (so-called A-List) venues whenever they open and someone calls in for bottle service, the owners/GMs/hosts want to know...."What do they look like?"...meaning what's the last name, what's their background, etc.

Personally, I could careless what a person's last name is, but I'm not an owner who has invested $3 - $5 million dollars into a night club and is looking to see returns on his investment asap.

So, what most owners and investors want is to extend the life of their investment.

And, it is a well known fact that once you begin to let everyone who walks up into your venue then, your venue will only be hot for 30 - 40 days and good luck recouping 40 - 50% of your investment back in that time span.

Next thing you know you are discounting bottles, charging a cover, and closed within 6 months of opening.

I've talked to most owners/GMs/hosts and they would prefer that all the blacks, asains, latinos, middle easterners, israelis, etc., come and spend money at their venues in phase two or three of their operation.

I can name you countless examples of places that said, "fuck it, we are going to let everyone in and we don't care who they are or what they look like" and then the next thing you know, they had to discount bottles, charge a cover for everyone, and then close their doors.

Many are still holding on, while others are no longer around.

However, the sad part is that most people simply don't want to go there anymore.

Again, here are a few venues that are either closed or people just don't like partying there anymore:

The Highlands
Element
Les Deux
LAX
Vangard (which is now under new management, so there maybe a name change soon).
One Sunset
Ecco
Green Door
Area
Kress

Now, Kress is a prime example. The owner Mike, invested over $24 million dollars into that project over 3 years ago. The monthly mortgage payment for that property is in the neighbor of $140,000 (that's every month folks), that's not including the staff cost, alcohol, lights, food, supplies, etc.

Do you honestly think that that place is making any money once you pay out all the Z-List promoters at that place?

You see most venue owners don't want to be placed in the "Kress" category (especially in this economy). So they try and hold off for as long as they can before they begin counting the clock to operation shutdown.

Now, the second thing that I'd like to address are the owners and people that work certain venues. What I write about is simply non-serious stuff. Please stop taking what I write personal and to heart.

I have gone through and read emails from:
The Dolce Group
Michael Sutton
The upper management at SBE
The One Group
PlayHouse
Ecco

I mean, who knew that this blog would become so popular and reach all of these groups and organizations. I'm just trying to be funny and entertaining. Its called a sense of humor, get one they are fun :-)

I recently posted something about the new Bar Delux and the new owner posted a comment about it moments after I wrote it. Wow!!!

Then the Russian peeps at PlayHouse email me, and say, "why do you have to talk sh*t about PlayHouse?"

I don't have an agenda folks.

I'm not getting paid to say nice things about one place, and bad things about another. I just share my thoughts (good, bad and ugly...either way). Its simply my thoughts.

I am sorry.....but I'm not a fan of PlayHouse, MI-6, Wonderland or Hwood, as well as a few others. But that's just me.

Every time, I write a new blog post I check the Google Analytics the following day and I will have between 2,500 - 7,300 unique visits from all over this country and across the seas, per posting (depending on the topic and if friends tell friends about it).

So, I guess I'm not the only person that finds what I blog about entertaining.

I mean, I wrote a review about a movie a while back and the writer and director contacted me and wanted to set-up a meeting. I'm telling you the complete truth. No bullshit.

Finally, a few of you have emailed me say, "hey, there is this other blog that is copying what you are writing and trying to put their own twist on it."

Thank you, I read it.

It's cute, but this guy has no cred.

He's some wanna be promoter who probably had to stand outside every night he went out and then Kevin & Javier asked him to promote one of their nights now he feels good about himself and now able to talk & text message people about his position in life.

It's nice to read his blog for things that I've already written about, or should I say its nice to re-read my work.

When you promote MI-6 on Wednesdays and Hwood on Saturdays.....really how valuable or viable is anything you have to say.

There you go, free promotion for you and your nights.

Let me know if you would like for me to include your name so that people can drop your name at the door for sub-promoter credit on the tally sheet :)

Lastly, NO...I am NOT selling advertising space on this blog.

That's not why I created this blog. Thank you for asking though.

Side note:

Be on the lookout for the "Bottle Service, Please!!! App" at the Apple Apps Store very soon.

The App will feature posting of things that I've blogged about as well as what are the places to go, and avoid in Hollywood on any given night. Its truly funny and the graphics are great.

Wednesday Night Winner

It's official.

There is a clear cut, hands down, winner for the best place to go out on a Wednesday night in Hollywood.

Now, I've just returned home from this venue so everything is completely fresh in my mind.

I have visited this establishment every Wednesday night for the past three weeks, prior to this evening.

And, I must say that I didn't want to comment on it quite yet, due in large part that it could have been just a good night this one time, or that it was a special event happening, or perhaps it was the weather conditions, etc.

Nope, this is by far the best place to go to in Hollywood on a Wednesday night.

Great people, music was nice, tight door, nice guy/girl ratios, everyone was dressed well, no douchebag door guy holding up a line outside to make the place look and feel packed.

Truly the best part is that, I haven't seen everyone and there mother on Facebook or BBM, or texting about it at all. It has been low-key and a quiet sleeper.

Finally, a place that has done it right.

Let's Dance....

When LA invades Sundance. Oh shit!!!

If you lived in Hollywood for a while, you have probably noticed a trend that I like to call "jumping on the bandwagon". It's quite popular in LA.

You know what they say about most LA folks? They are the last ones to arrive somewhere and the first ones to leave.

Since there aren't very many trend setters, you will notice quite a bit of (if I can use the "Twitter" lingo, and by that I am referring to the word) "followers".

Nothing can be more apparent of an example, than every year towards the end of January, then the Sundance Film Festival.

You see, the Sundance Film Festival was started by Robert Redford, after Redford's character The Sundance Kid from the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Sundance is meant to bring indie filmmakers, writers, producers, actors, etc, together to showcase work that hasn't been able to breakthrough the regular "Hollywood" channels.

However, typical Hollywood "bandwagoners" (not sure that's even a word, but fuck it...you get the point) use it as a means to party outside LA.

What's funny is how many people from LA you see at Sundance. It seems like most people from LA are out there at Sundance to ski, hangout, grab some free swag and party. And why not....all the local LA club promoters are the ones throwing the parties.

So, you have most of the folks from LA (who lets face it...don't do much in LA during the day anyway), not doing much at Sundance. They are all sleep in the same houses, hanging out during the day, then partying to the whee hours. Only to hop back on a plane to LA and do the whole thing over again with the same people.

I love when LA peeps use Sundance as a verb, as to what they are going to doing in January.

They'll even post the pics from their Sundance trip on their facebook pages....which don't look much different from their prior night at Wonderland or Hyde the night before.

Oh well....just another episode in Southern Cali.

Now, just wait until April when all the cool kids start talking about Coachella.

Oh what fun!!!!!

Underage Girls

When the 16 year olds, hook up with the 40 year olds...you know you're in Hollywood.

With the current economy in the worst state its been in for quite sometime. I've noticed that the Hollywood scene/landscape take a few turns.

There use to be a few so-called "hot spots" with amazingly attractive girls in their early to mid-twenties. Girls who would get together with their girlfriends and hit the town for a night or two and have a great time.

However, since the television networks aren't producing series such as the "OC", "One Tree Hills", "Smallvilles" and "Dawson's Creek" anymore, instead producing more of "The Real World" season 35, "The Hills" season 12, and "The Girls Next Door" sean who cares.

All of this means that there aren't a ton of acting jobs for actors & actresses, in a town filled with actors looking for work. So now the really fun, cool, attractive amazing girls now have to have real jobs to support themselves. With now means that they are bottle service host or working in offices.

Which leads to a "drying up" of the amount of females in the nightlife scene.

The new trend in the Hollywood nightlife scene has been the huge increase in underage girls.

Now, I know what you are thinking...."girls underage in night clubs has been going on forever". Perhaps, but I would argue that the increase now has come from the fact the new wannabe club promoters hit up the "college party bus" angle to fill up buses with loads of buses with young kids who will make their venue/night seem like the place to be. While at the same time know that these same college kids will not leave their establishment, because they have nowhere else to go (because of their ID situation).

This now leads to super young girls being hit on, by guys in their mid-40's looking for the fountain of youth with an 16, 17 or even 18 year old. So by the time a girl is actually of legal age....she and her girlfriends are so over the scene that they are off to other things.

Younger girls are a prime target because they really don't have to work (they are mainly in school, so going out on Thursday nights are key). They are easily impressed with seeing a D-List reality tv star, and they are open to trying new drugs because mommy and daddy are no longer watching their every move.

If you are a guy in your mid-40's,and you're freshly divorced, just getting back in "the game" sorta speak. A fresh, new young girl is what you think you need in order to make yourself feel better. But in reality, you look like a fool. That laughter you hear at the end of the night is just everyone within eye range of you, laughing because you my friend are a looser.

If you could see that the girls you were just talking to were 16 years old, then the cops will soon remind you her parents find out when they check her Facebook page and you with your hand up her skirt.

Ouch!!!

Be careful folks.

Sorry folks!

I know that I haven't been updating this blog as much as I would like to, but over the holidays I was approached by some business peeps to turn this funny blog into an iPhone application.

So I, along with a development & design team have been working on the the app.

Don't worry, more funny updates and stories are coming beginning next week (and I have a bunch of new, yet very true Hollywood inside stories to share that have taken place over the Christmas and New Years Eve time span).

Details about the app will be soon to follow as well.

What's new is old & What's old is new!

I know that a while back I informed you that there were many Hollywood venues closing.

Well, within the past few months it seems as though people have been buying them all up.

Vinny & Chuck (partners/owners of Villa in West Hollywood) have bought the old Central Hollywood space and will now call it "Premeire".

That space didn't work as Central nor did it work as Rok bar.

Best of luck on that.

Bar Delux on Cahuegna has been sold to some Brits for the cool price of $750k. Now Bar Delux is a beautiful venue, however they would be better off changing the name and turning it into a bar instead of a uber cool lounge.

Resolution vs Revolution

We all have made new years resolutions at some point in our lives.

However, I want to encourage you to turn over a new leaf in your 2010 night life experience.

Ladies, stop make promise that you can't keep such as: losing weight, finding love, saving money and shopping less.

Instead, make this years new years resolution stick. How about this ladies.....

How about stop doing blow & "E" and going home with douche bags like this in 2010:



Fellas, stop lying to yourselves and stating that you are going to start hitting the gym and getting back in shape. You probably are in shape (your shape is probably round). So with that said, stop spending your money buying drinks for women who are not going home with you by the end of the night. Stop showing up to the night clubs with your sunglasses on, your True Religion Jeans, and your Armani Exchange, your bling, and your Aqua di Gio colonge.

I mean its cool if you do, however you'll probably end up with the random, fat, lonely girl, who works in the HR department of JC Penny's department store...who is almost always the wasted girl at someone's table at 1:45am get escorted out by security:


Even better is the solo girl, who walks around the night club, nursing a beer, looking for someone whom she thinks she can score some meth from.

You see, she likes to fuck truckers or the bad boy biker types. By day she is enrolled in the local community college; and by night she is wearing all black hitting up the local dive bars:


Make 2010 count!!!!

Walk of Shame

Listen to this.....

So you walk into the nightclub, and its filled with some of the Middle Eastern's finest wearing Armani Exchange(the new upscale Ed Hardy) and a ton of cologne (because lets face it, who needs to shower right?). Girls are dressed like J-Wowww & Snooki from MTVs Jersey Shore show, and some of the best house and electro music is pumping out loud through the sound system.

So what's the first thing you need to do???? That's right hit the bar, because you need to some how take the edge off of this wacked out evening already.

Now, for those who are looking to slowly get fucked up...they'll usually order some mixed vodka drink; however, those who want to feel the effects of alcohol quickly...its tequila time (usually 3 shots should do the trick). If you are still in college or Irish you'll probably do shots of Jagermeister.

By now you are pretty fucked up and the guy with the hairy chest and even more hair on his back who kinda looks like Curious George, now looks like George Clooney. So you and him are bumping & grinding on the dance floor. You are getting hot and sweaty, and this random guy you're dancing with (whom we'll call Amir, because that's a random name) his Aqua di Gio cologne is driving you crazy (and sick at the same time).

The house lights go up, and its last call, but you're not ready to leave or at least you're not ready for the night to end. He tells you about some after party in the hills and you rally your girlfriends to come with you to this after party.

At the after-party Amir invites you into the bathroom and offers you a couple of bumps aka lines of coke. Now since its not really quality shit, and it has been probably cut with baking soda, flour, yeast, foot power and rat poison....you really can't feel it. You stay in the bathroom and keep taking bumps until you start to really feel it.

While you are doing your fifth line, Amir is being a nice random friend. He's holding your hair back while you're powdering your nose, however while he's pulling your hair back, he has pulled up that short, tight skirt you've been wearing up towards your stomach and has pulled your g-string to the side, and slowly starting fingering you.

His true animal nature comes out and he drops to his knees and begins to go down on you. You have no clue what's going on because you are in a coke filled haze.

Someone knocks on the bathroom door and you guys stop what you're doing.

Amir says, "lets go back to my place this after-party sucks, way too many dudes".

You ditch your friends and head back to Amir's place in West Hollywood, somewhere off Doheny Rd.

The two of you waste no time (because its almost 5 o'clock in the morning)and get started chopping up a few more lines. The blinds are completely shut and the apartment is dark. You decide to mix in a little weed and alcohol in between doing lines.

By this time you are so fucked up that you both get completely naked and haven't even thought about sex because you are talking about random shit and waiting until the blow is all gone.

Amir has a bit of a problem getting his little penis to work because of all the cocaine he's been doing.

He finds some Cialis pills, he gets hard and you blow him (after pushing back all the hair from his hairy balls). You guys fuck all over the apartment, and then you pass out.

Its now 2pm, you have 18 text messages, 5 voice mails and 12 missed calls on your phone because your friends and family have been trying to get a hold of you.

After you have gotten up to go to the bathroom, you walk back into the room and see the guy whom you let squirt into you multiple times, because you were so wasted.

This random guy looks like a straight up gorilla, with the littlest, wrinkled, hairy penis ever!!!!

You quickly find your panties, clothes and shoes....and get the fuck out ASAP!!!!

You walk down the street to the nearest Starbucks, get some coffee and have one of your girlfriends come pick you up.

After this night you keep telling yourself, over and over again in your head...."I will never party at PlayHouse ever again".

I know this story sounds crazy but this story is just another night out in Hollywood on a Saturday night.

Doing the walk of Shame is a muthafucka!!!!

Welcome to Hollywood folks :-)

Lies & Bullshit

We all do it!

However, the number one thing that drives men crazy are the fake phone numbers or contact info. Come on now, really?

People, it is almost the year 2010, and women are pulling out these 1972 moves?

Ladies, just say no, or tell us that you don't like our hair styles, bad breath, or our bus passes, or quite possibly the fact that we are too short or that our penis maybe too small based on our hand size.

But please, for the love of Moses...don't hit us with the fake cell, email or BBM pin. I mean, really?

If that's the case then why not pick up a few business cards in the fish bowl at the local after-work happy hour spot, in the lobby of that high raise building you work near, and hand them out to every guy you don't want to give your number to, rather than give out fake contact info.

Don't get me wrong, the guy in the night club just lied his ass off in order to get your number. He probably told you that he's a race car driver, or that he's tight with Spiderman, or he's a big Hollywood agent, he directs porn, or that he's Brad Pitts personal assistant, etc.

Cool, we all get it.

Whatever the case maybe for guys, the end result is that he's looking to get laid by the end of the conversation, or by the end of the night. Because rubbing one or two out (aka, spanking the money), gets kinda dull and lack luster.

For most women, the point is to find a so-called normal guy, a boyfriend, and/or husband...however, girls want to put you on that friend list, until they feel a high level of comfort....then they'll be open to having you give them a little backdoor action.

The point is that it all comes down to sex.

Think about it, guys will pay crazy amounts of money on bottle service (which they know they can buy the same bottles at Costco for $12 dollars...instead of $400 a bottle at the nightclub)....all in an effort to get girls drunk and show everyone that they are ballers....however if it doesn't work, then they'll be at home playing with their balls.

So ladies, please remember that dishing out the fake info is kinda wack.

Just say that you are married to a prisoner who was convicted of murder in the second degree and he's coming home in a few days. Trust me, no one is going to want your telephone number, but make no mistakes about, if you are a hot girl, then guys will be guys, and will want to "hit that" asap (doesn't matter if you have a man locked up or not).

Guys and gals....just keep it real.

Guys, just be direct without trying to sound like a jack ass.
EXAMPLE: "Listen, I enjoyed talking to you, how about we finish this conversation over a nice bottle of champagne at my house in the hills tonight? The view is unreal."

Ladies, just hit'em with the truth.
Example: "Hey, I really like your style but I just got out of a long relationship and I don't want to make the same mistake twice. I lost my cellphone yesterday, can you write down your number and I'll call you later?"

Everyone walks away feeling like a winner....without losing their self respect.

Hookers, Escorts and Sushi

Hollywood!!!!

One thing that you must know about Hollywood, is that nothing is ever what it appears to be.

In a town filled with sound stages, special effect studios, creative digital editors and plastic surgeons......one thing is absolutely true, nothing is ever what it appears to be.

That hot girl you maybe talking to at PlayHouse fellas, is really an underage high school teenager from Riverside, who probably couldn't spell the word "Google" even if she had a computer in front of her. But what do you care, right? You're just wondering if she spits or swallows.

That guy you met for the first time at an after party in the hills isn't really rich. That house he's living in is leased and he's a few months behind on his rent.

Ladies you think he's your meal ticket, however, a few days after the both of just did a bump in his bathroom...you're driving your Honda Accord down Sunset Blvd...and he's now sitting at the bus stop on his way to his new one bedroom apartment in East Los Angeles, where he can now downgrade from blow to crack.

What's really shocking is that hot guy who likes to hit the gym all the time, and is urberly cool, actually likes 15 year old boys to rub his cock in the local shopping mall parking lot. Again, things aren't ever what they appear to be.

Those new friends you meet at an audition, red carpet event, or a night club aren't really your friends and probably won't have your back, when your back is against the wall.

The only thing real thing I know that is true, is fucking.

There are no lies, no false promises, or bullshit.

Fucking is the only thing that is real. Just two people acting out their animal urges. Once its over, it is what it is....which is simply over.

Hookers, Escorts and Sushi represents all that Hollywood nightlife has to offer. Shiny beautiful things that appear to one thing...but really are something else completely different....which also includes a price tag that you don't see.

Are the girls in the pics for this posting, are they hookers, escorts or average nightlife club girls?

No Bottle Service - No Business???

Is the Rock & Roll Sunset Strip dead?

Survey says....Yep!!!

Is it the economy or is it the scene? Well, whatever the case maybe the venues on the "rock & roll" part of the sunset strip are closing fast.

The Key Club is now closed.

Some sources are saying that the "Rainbow Room" and "The Whiskey" are soon to follow.

Most recently "The Knitting Factory" in Hollywood closed its doors as well.



What do these venues have in common? They all cater to rock & roll and live music.

I guess LA/Hollywood isn't the place for rock & roll.

Oh well, I guess that leaves more places for spiky haired douche bags to fist pump and listening to house music at: Kress, Marbella, Cabana Club, Green Door, Vanguard and PlayHouse.

Caution XXX

If you walk into a nightclub and there are a bunch of big ass girls taking pictures, and they start breaking out the "jailhouse" or "prison break" poses.....

Then you my friend are in the wrong establishment, and need to make an about face ASAP!!!

Don't get me wrong, I like a little bit of danger in my nightlife experience as much as the next guy....however, big dawgs (girls who are a size 14 and up, weighing 225 lbs or more) with bullet-holes and stab wounds, who date guys named: "Sleepy", "Casper", "lil Psycho", or "Shy-Boy", aren't the type of girls you want to be fooling around with after midnight....if you know what I mean.

On the same note, ladies....if you end up taking some random tough guy home from your local club or bar...and the next morning he's in your shower wearing: soap-on-a-rope around his neck, and wearing flip-flops in the shower....chances are he has done a little time in county, or you met him at Kress in Hollywood.

At any rate, I hope this info helps you out in your nightlife journeys.

When the booze is gone....

...so does your so-called friends and girls, playa.

What I find so incredibly funny and remarkable is when you go out, and you have a table with bottles, then all the girls and random dudes want to come by your table and party.

Once you max out your credit card and the alcohol stops flowing, those same people are gone with the wind and you (the card holder) are stuck there paying for everything and are all a lone.

What we tend to call these people are bottle whores.

And Yes, guys are bottle whores too.

The general rule is, if you (as a guy) are at another guy's table, drinking from his bottles (which he is paying upwards of $350 per bottle, for $16 a bottle alcohol btw) you (as a guy) offer to at least pay for it or pay part of it.

Now the guy who's table it is, may not take your money, but its the proper thing to do.

Girls on the other hand, don't go making drinks for your male friends and walking across the club handing it to them (your male friends)...then leave when the alcohol is gone. Girls will tell the guy(s) at the table that they have to either go to the bathroom, or stepping out for a smoke....yeah right!!!!

Ladies, there is a term that guys use and I'm going to tell it to you now...its called: "Ass, Gas, or Cash...no one rides for free".

Translation: you need to be giving up the ass, chipping in for gas, or giving up some cash....because no one is getting by for free. However, most guys will settle for a hand-job under the table.

So next time you are out at the club and you are at a table, understand the proper rules and etiquette of the nightlife game.

Don't be a bottle whore!!!!

Guys at least offer to pay.

Girls at least stick around for a little while once to the alcohol is gone.

Know your history kids...

As the Hollywood nightlife scene goes almost completely in the toilet; I thought it would be wise to educate many of you, as well as the up and coming nightlife promoters on a brief history lesson.

Back in the not so distant past....(circa mid 90's early 2000's), there were only a few night life spots (i.e., Shelter, Prey, Joseph's, Bar Fly, Concorde, Spider, Nacional, etc.) and a small group who had a lock on the scene.

Let's review:

Amanda Demme:



The Tropicana Bar & Teddy's at the Roosevelt Hotel used to be quite the celeb hangout when she ran the door. Her connections to the who's/who of Hollywood were incredible. If you want to talk about having the right people come out and party she made it happen. The problem was that she ran things so tight, and never let anyone inside that she got kicked out of town. She's now out of the scene and is a mother somewhere in the hills of West Hollywood.


Michael Sutton:



Former General Hospital daytime soap actor Michael Sutton, started something that won't be done again for quite sometime. He started a very unique night life experience called "Xenii". Membership was tight, the locations would change every week. Once inside, you were treated to unlimited amounts of food, alcohol, women, men, etc. What fucked this up is when it turn "hood" really fast. When all the rappers and their posse came in, it was completely over.


Brent Bolthouse/Bolthouse Productions:



The Lounge, Concorde, LAX, Area, Hyde, Privilege, Joseph's.

Concorde was one of the best night life experiences ever. At the time this venue was the hottest thing in Hollywood. The line to get in was a block long (I wish I was lying to you...it honestly was that long). Brent and his crew moved that party to LAX on Wednesday nights, incredibly tight door there as well. Joseph's on Monday nights also had a massive line to get inside....and needless to say the place was filled with celebs. Then Sam Nazarian came in, gave him a check and then that was the end of the Brent Bolthouse & Bolthouse Productions era in Hollywood.


Vinny & Chuck:



When Leonardo DiCaprio is your childhood best friend chances are you are going to have some great people showing up to your parties. Vincent Laresca (aka Vinny) grow up with Leo. Vinny and his partner in crime Chuck Pacheco (aka Chucky) were known for hosting the hottest parties for the under 25 year old crowd in Hollywood. Vinny and Chuck were known for their weekly nights at "Prey" and "Shelter" in West Hollywood. Later the two men would move on to be owners/partners in the West Hollywood night spot called: "Villa". Personally, I liked Vinny in the movie "Juice" with Tupac.


Tommy Alastra:



When famed Hollywood night spot "Les Deux" opened their Wednesday night more than 4 years ago, Tommy Alastra and his TAP Inc. company came in a changed things forever. Tommy has been well known for his special events and his high profile clientele that always make appearances at anything that he does. Tommy left the Hollywood nightlife scene after being under contract with SBE. Once his contract ended, he is now back to doing what he does best...hosting a few weekly parties in and around Hollywood.


The King of Clubs:



These guys are still in the game and have out lasted all of their competitors. Best of luck getting into their special events.(Click on the image to read more about them).

Are you a V.I.P?

You've been promised by the greatest promoters on MySpace and Facebook to be placed on the "VIP List" to their club night.

You RSVP'd via Facebook event invite to their event and were confirmed that you are now on the "VIP List".

You even got a text message and BBM telling you that you are all good at the door, because you are on the "VIP List".

Well, I'm here to tell you......if you are in Hollywood....there is NO VIP LIST!!!!

The term VIP (Very Important Person) does not apply in Hollywood; all the true VIPs don't need to be on any list, because everyone already knows who they are.

If you do buy a table and are popping 5 - 7 bottles every single night you are going out to a night club.....then you sir are a VIP (no need to be on any list because everyone in town will know who you are).

VIP anything are a complete joke.

Have you ever been to a "VIP section" of a club? Its usually the most empty place in the entire venue. A selection so exclusive that, there is seriously almost nobody there.

The "VIP List" is such a joke, that if you even open up your mouth to tell someone at any door that you are on the "VIP List", everyone within ear shot will turn around and laugh at you.

FYI (For Your Information [I have to explain for my followers in other countries]) the only clipboard with names on it at any venue in Hollywood, is the clipboard held by the bottle service girl/hostess.

So if you absolutely want to be guaranteed entry to the hottest venues in Hollywood, then the list you need to be on is the bottle service list. Make you bring your credit card and ID....tourist!

Where to go.....

Countless amounts of you keep emailing me asking, "where do you think the best place is to go on __________ night in Hollywood (insert any day of the week)?

Here are a few places that you may like, or find quite enjoyable.

Monday nights - "The Bar"



The Bronson Bar on the corner of Sunset Blvd & Bronson Ave.

Cool, laid back spot to get a drink and chill on a Monday night. The crowd is usually a working Hollywood crowd; which means the people there are people who work as PAs, grips, keys, set designers, etc. Along with some East Hollywood regulars.

Tuesdays - "MI-6"



MI-6 in West Hollywood on a Tuesday night is pretty solid.


Wednesdays - "The Tea Room"



Small, tight, with a select crowd. This party isn't for everyone, however once you make it inside its a very good time.


Thursdays - "Voyeur"



Hands down - the hottest party on a Thursday night by far. If you are looking to see celebs get wild and crazy, along with a whole lot of ___________ you fill in the blanks if you have been there on Thursdays.


Fridays - "Teddy's"



Without question the best place to go on a Friday night.


Saturdays - ????

Saturdays are completely for tourists, however....Voyeur has everyone talking about Saturday nights again.

Bolthouse & 944 Magazine?!?!

Do you remember when this guy use to run most of the hot spots in Los Angeles?

Now, he's scrapping by as a DJ Saturday nights at PlayHouse in Hollywood.

Then I just found out that he, along with his partner Jennifer Rosero are now the managing editors of 944 Magazine.

If you have been reading my blog, then you already know that 944 hasn't been hot for years.

Again, what was the last 944 Magazine event you went to that was good?

Plus, you cannot trust their content because they (944 Magazine) will not cover an event unless you spend a certain amount in advertisements in their magazine (ask around because its true).

944 Magazine doesn't publish ground breaking editorials, fresh ideas or new concepts. They have their hands out shaking down businesses who don't know any better.

Telling them: "hey Mr/Mrs business owner....you want to be cool, right? You want to reach out to the popular demographic of tastemakers, don't you? Well, spend $5k with us and we will make you cool in the various regions we cover."

Fuck that and fuck them!

944 Magazine, you sir get the middle finger award.

And for those who read my blog in countries outside the United States, the middle finger is used as a sign to inform others that their mother is a hooker and father is a coke whore (use it, it'll make you feel better everytime you do).

I give no props to a magazine that's given away for free at the Ed Hardy/Affliction shops on Melrose Blvd.

At one point they both were good, cutting edge, and understood the pulse of the culture.

However, now they are both washed up and wouldn't know cool if it were standing next to them in a freezer.

Ask Brent why did SBE drop him and his crew if he had the pulse of the tastemakers and hipsters in LA? Why isn't he doing a new night at Hyde Staple Center or MI-6 in West Hollywood?

Bush League....

Attention Guys/Men/Boys/Dudes/Dawgs/Whatever

If your game is so weak that you have to slip date rape drugs in girls drinks (when they aren't looking)...then you sir are a straight up loser.

I understand that you are horny.

I understand that you are flowing with testosterone through your ball sack.

I understand that you are tired of watching pornos and you want to stick your meat into the real thing.

I understand that the Craig's List Personals haven't been working out for you and you are tired of meeting tranny's at Starbucks for afternoon coffee dates.

However, you have a mother...and you may even have a sister and a few aunts as well. How would you like for them to have something slipped into their drinks?

Don't be an asshole.

If you get rejected simply move-on to the next girl...trust me, at the end of the night there is ALWAYS someone looking to have sex at some point.

Don't be a rapist.

Because the boys in prison will be sure and teach you a very valuable lesson on the art of raping someone.

This is my one and only PSA on this topic.

Guys just step your game up, don't lower yourselves to that level.

Ladies...know your limits

60% of the time....it's all your fault.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I hear women mention, that they are tired of going out to Hollywood clubs and bars, and are constantly harassed by loser guys.

Easy now Rainbow Bright. Let's examine the whole situation.

I am not, in anyway sticking up for, nor defending how guys act in certain situations, however I would like to make you see things from a guy's point of view (if I may).

Now, a guy or guys primarily go out for two reasons, I like to call: "D&F" (drinking and fucking).

Guys want to go out have a few drinks and have sex by the end of the night (for the most part).

The drinking part always seems to handle itself. It comes very easy for guys to hit the bar and quickly check that off the list.

The having sex part is a bit of a challenge for most men.

You see, most guys aren't that smooth and don't have very much game. So what usually ends up happening is that they tend to talk about themselves and make shit up on the spot (i.e., "I'm a casting director", "I'm a movie producer", "I'm Brad Pits personal assistant", etc.).

All of this is done in order for women to sleep with us guys by the end of the night.

Now, what makes it really difficult are some of the outfits that you women wear, and how you handle yourselves after you yourselves have a few drinks as well.

The less you wear, the stiffer the shaft in our pants gets, then all the blood in our body rushes in that area, and we tend not to think straight when that happens.

Facts, figures, and simple logic that seem reasonable during day light hours....go right out the window once guys see a short tight dress with boobs all over the place.



I am not saying cover up completely, "if you've got it flaunt it" is the term my grandmother used to say.

However, understand the fact that guys are going to start becoming a little more aggressive the more drinks they have and the less you are wearing.

A nice tight ass and tits that look like fresh honeydew melons, in a super tight short dress is exactly what I wanna see when I go to a strip-club, but don't be shocked when some guy's fingers starts trying to explore certain areas of your body after he buys you a drink, and strikes up a conversation later.

Women want to dance, have a few drinks and have an attractive, funny guy hold their interest.

While guys want the "D&F", and if they can't get the "F" that I mentioned earlier, then the other "F" word which will happen is a "fight".

Fights usually happen towards the end of the night. You will never see a fight take place at the beginning of any night (unless its a personal issue between two people with a prior history).

When guys know that they won't be getting any sex at the end of the night, they are forced to masturbate (again), or go to the strip-club (then masturbate later), or hit up the Craig's List "erotic" section to pay a call girl/hooker to finish him off. All of this can drive a guy crazy.

So ladies, I'm just saying....before you begin to tease those guys at the bar inside a nightclub for free drinks, or blow, or your car payment, or whatever the case maybe...just remember...you are not dealing with guys who are looking at things rationally.

Cover up the boobs (a little), hike down the skirt (a little), and don't overly tease or play dumb in order to get what you want.

You just never know how some guys act when there is a major lack of blood flow to their brain.

This is one of the best methods to fight off loser guys.

Have fun!

Guaranteed Club Entry (for Men)....

"60% of the time...it works everytime"....

Guys/Men, have you ever gone out to a night club and got stopped at the door, and was forced to wait forever, and never let inside?

Well, I have a self-help guide for you to follow.

Follow these simple rules and you will never have to worry about problems at any door in America.

Rule #1: Never wear Ed Hardy or Affliction (anything).



The number one thing that any door person looks at is your style of dress, and dressing in this level of clothing style says a few things:
1. either you are a middle aged guy from Orange County;
2. you are an MMA fighter (or in training),
3. you shop on Melrose exclusively,
4. or you are from the Middle East and you are a great lover of House Music.

At any rate, the bottom line is that this simply does not work in your favor whenever you are walking up to a door person that does not know who you are.

Rule #2: DO NOT WEAR ANY AFFLICTION TYPE BOOTS!



The second thing that a door person notices are your shoes; and if you are rocking the Affliction specials...then its probably not going to happen for you.

Hey listen, you are not the Iron Sheik. You and Nikolai Volkoff are not about to wrestle for the WWF Heavy Weight title Belt (Google any of the names if you don't know what I'm talking about).

I'm not saying you have to rock Prada or D&G on your feet, but do not wear those.

Rule #3: TAKE ALL THAT HAIR-GEL OUT OF YOUR HAIR



Don't be a grease ball, and spike your hair in some way out mohawk fashion. Nothing says: I'm a douche bag, then having a bunch of gel in your hair with a bad hair style on top of that.

Rule #4: NEVER TRAVEL IN ALL MALE PACKS



Just don't do it.

Feel free to mix in a female or two, for every guy in your group (even if you have to pull them out of line).

Most of the above especially applies to the losers (age 40 and up) who go to the Playboy Mansion every month to hit on underage, wannabe Playmates with shitty plastic surgery.

Don't let this be you!!!

Follow my rules and you shouldn't have any problems at in door in America.

Quality over Quantity...

So, I'm walking down Hollywood Blvd the other day and I run into this young Hollywood promoter kid. We chat for a little bit about what's going on in the Hollywood night life scene, then he does something that shocks me.

He pulls out his Blackberry device and begins to tell me, "look at all the contacts I have in my phone; I have over 4,500 names and numbers in one phone, and I have more in this other phone." He begins to tell me more, "yeah man, I go to Les Deux on Mondays and get all the hottest girls numbers, then I'll go to Delux and get numbers there as well; usually it will be a bunch of people from out of town (tourist)".

Oh, to be young!!!

I then asked, "Ok, so out of those 4,500 contacts how many of those people do you know?" He replied, who cares...as long as I can pack them into PlayHouse on Fridays and they drop my name at the door, it doesn't matter".

This got me to thinking....

As you get more mature in your thinking and taste, I believe that you become more refine with what you like and dislike. Hence the term "Quality over Quantity".

This applies to your night life experience.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself, do I really want to party with a bunch of random tourist, at a place that's set-up to warehouse loads of people?

Perhaps, you want to party with a more refine crowd, whereby the guys actually wash their hair, brush their teeth and take a shower (not just spray on a gallon of cologne); and the ladies don't just shop at Forever 21, and look like they just got off the set of the show "Rock of Love with Brett Michaels".

Again, sometimes its more about the "Quality over the Quantity".

Men lie, Women lie, Numbers don't....

I keep telling you that people read this blog everyday.

And the numbers don't lie.

I just did a few screen-shots of the real numbers of the traffic and pageviews this blog receives.

The stats I'm posting now, I just pull these numbers this morning.

If you can't read them, send me an email and I'll email them to you.



Can you believe the top rated blog post is, the posting I did about "Wonderland"?

That is shocking.

Stay tuned.....

Weekday vs Weekend Partiers....

This is when you know its the weekend...and you don't want to be anywhere near this level of partying.

Ok, so picture this....you've had a long hard work week. Your boss is a jerk, the people that you work with are up in each others personal business, and you are newly single.

So, you wanna go out to have a couple of cocktails and apps with some friends, hear some good music, and perhaps dance a little (what the fuck, you worked hard, why not right?).

You and your friends get all decked out, and you go to Cecconi's in West Hollywood to start the night off with some cocktails and apps. After wards, you just want to see where the night is going to take you.

Valet comes around with your car, and you decide to go to [insert any random venue on Hollywood Blvd in here] because you had heard that Paris or Lohan was there the night before.

You park, walk up to the door. You don't know anyone so you have to wait for a second to see what the situation is like.....

Then all of a sudden, from out of no where you hear some really loud and unruly people. A MEGA huge party spaceship like bus (blasting nothing but The Black Eyed Pea's greatest hits) pulls up with a bunch of people from Sherman Oaks or some college frat acting as if they have never been outside the house in twenty years.

These people are what we like to call..."Weekend Warriors".

You see "weekday" people like to go out once or twice a week from Sunday - Wednesday (maybe Thursday). However, Thursdays are known as college Friday, so its almost like a Friday (just keep that in mind).

"Weekday" partiers know how to drink. They think, "Hey, I have to be at work at 9am, let me enjoy this cocktail and conversation, then head home."

"Weekend" partiers load up on bottom shelf alcohol....usually shit that is on sale at CVS and Costco. Wear outfits that are shiny, tight and short.

And end up with their panties in the corner of some random guy's apartment living room floor; or with some random guy's penis in his ass (guys do strange things when they get drunk together....why do you think its always guys with video cameras as soon as clothes come off?).

The point is...if you see a party bus pull up to a venue you are planning to walk into...that means its time to turn around and walk away....FAST!!!!

You have worked hard all week, do you really want to party with people like this:



Think about it....you've been warned!!!

The Best....

..Friday night spot in Hollywood is....Teddy's!

For over 3 years, this small exclusive venue has been a major player in the Hollywood night life scene.

Without a doubt, the Friday & Saturday night there has been (and still is) a pretty hard place to get into.

By far, the best night to go there is Friday.

The people look amazing, the styles range anywhere from SoHo chic, to Hollywood hipster.

While the general public maybe able to get inside on a Monday night, Friday nights are a completely different story.

If you are unable to make it inside on Friday nights...grab a drink and simply sit in the lobby of the Roosevelt hotel; there you will see some of the most unique people in the city.

Word to the wise....it gets really good there around 1am.

Isn't it all about.....

...SEX & Fucking?

All:

the bottle service
the drugs
the Ed Hardy
the after parties
the tanner
the wacked out hair cuts
the new club
the old club
the once old, but 2 weeks later new club
the door guy
the French Tuesdays
the Facebook
the MySpace
the dancing on tables
the fake boobs
the fake profiles
the fake promotions
the leased out cars


Isn't it all about sex at the end of the day (or night)?

Correction(s).....

So I just went through my email inbox and discovered just how popular this blog has become.

I've read through all of your emails; some full of praise, while others are full of hate, and some had no point at all.

******************************************************

However, I did want to share with you a few emails.

Mr Michael Sutton emailed me in regards to my blog post entitled: "When cool spots go cold" - in referrence to his venue: Guys & Dolls.

Michael wrote:
"BoJesse is not promoting at Guys & Dolls...."

cheers,

Michael Sutton
Owner of Guys & Dolls

*****************************************************

Here is another email I received just yesterday:

"Hello,

I read your blog post and wanted to get in touch with you as you have incorrectly reported that Les Deux is now closed. It is not. Can you please delete your item?"

Thank you,
Marissa

Marissa Lanier
Director of Marketing & Public Relations
The Dolce Group

******************************************************

Folks listen, I started this blog as a joke; to completely make fun of the Hollywood nightlife scene, and to shed a little light on things that most people don't see or think about. Hell, the name of this blog makes me laugh every time I say it.

I honestly had no idea that I would recieve an email inbox with over 290+ emails, and Google Analytics that show over 3,729 unique vistors everyday [except on the weekends] from all over the world. Companies asking to advertise on my blog, and venue owners & PR companies emailing me. Who knew?

I wake up in the morning or in the afternoon and spend a total of 5 - 6 minutes writing these blog post. I don't think about what I'm going to write, I don't even re-read or proof read any of these post after I write this stuff. It is what it is, and it is what I feel.

I am not a journalist and this ain't the LA Times.

This is simply what's in my head in the morning or afternoon.

So, with that said....don't be shocked by what I am about to write next....

Going, going, gone...

D.O.A = Death of AREA

Guess what SBE venue is closing up shop for a fresh remodel?

No, not Foxtail...(I mean, MI-6).

Not the Abbey.

Not the Hyde.

Well, since I just named all of their venues (not including the restaurants), that only leaves one place.

That's right AREA.

I'm sure we all have great memories of Area. However, within the past few years it has been a total wasteland. Housing everything from hoodrats to douchebags.

Hollywood's STDs....

Oh, STDs. You gotta love'em, right?

You see, STDs happen when you are not careful.

Whenever you don't think straight, and use the right head, that's when you get hit hard by an STD.

I know what you are thinking... "but I'm careful, I use protection".

Not that STD, you dumbass; I am talking about the other STD.

The STD I want to talk to you about is:

S.T.D = "Stunts", "Tricks", and "Deceptions".

This is the real illusion in the Hollywood night life scene.

You know, the gimmicks and tactics Hollywood venues and random promoters use to bait and switch you into coming to their club night.

I don't want to go on a long rant, but I'll share with you a few of the most common.

The biggest STD that promoters like to use is the "Open Bar" trick.

Example: "Open Bar" tonight, however what they fail to tell you is that the open bar is only from 9pm - 10:30pm and the venue opens at 10pm, but they only start letting people inside around 10:45ish. Plus, it's usually not even a complete open bar, for the most part it's an open vodka bar only.

Another stunt Hollywood promoters like to use is the "Special Live Performance", its either usually some random no name talent that you've never even heard of, or someone so famous that they never seem to show up.

The best are the "surprise special guest performances"...again, its usually a real nobody, from parts unknown, or a big no show...otherwise they would put it on a flier or something. Don't even get me started on the "album listening/release parties"...that's when they really start making shit up.

One of my personal favorites are when they hit you with the "free gift bags". Here is the kicker; it's normally from some no name company and its usually wack shit like: a coupon for some tanning salon, some batteries, lighter fluid, matches, hair spray, HIV test, a pencil, key chain, a penny, a McDonald's happy meal toy, etc.

If it is something dope, more than likely those gift bags are gone long before you get there because they'll give them away to their friends, or they only have two gift bag(s)...noticed I used an "s" after the word bag, because that is technically legal.

So, be careful not to get caught up with any Hollywood night life STDs.

Left untreated, it could come back to really bite your in the ass later.

p.s.,

You are not on any guest list...because there are no guest list...unless you are at an event or have to pay a cover at a Z-List venue.

Twitter?

I it just me? Because, I just don't get it.

So the point is to follow people, and they in turn follow you (or not follow you if they choose not to do so).

Then you let your followers know, what you are doing, or not doing in 160 characters.

There are no photos, and it does seem highly interactive.

Perhaps you can find out where the best place is to get bottle service and wait in line.

But hey, that's just my best guess.

For those of you that find it useful, please educate the rest of the class by leaving a comment.

Name Droppers...

So, you arrive to the brand new Hollywood hot spot, that everyone has been talking about for a while.

You are a regular person, who works a traditional 9am - 5pm job, Monday through Friday, and you don't know anyone at the door.

After paying $20 for valet parking, you and a friend make your way toward the front, only to be told that its a private party tonight.

Hint: If you ever hear the words "its a private party tonight", or "are you guys on the guest list" at a club....chances are that you will not be going inside just so easily.

If you have heard any of the above, you my friend are a "tourist" and you need to head over to "The HighLands" (Hollywood Blvd & Highland Ave, on the top floor and pay your $20 cover)...trust me everyone gets inside.

However, you want to party with the cool kids and pretty people, so what do you do? That's right, you name drop.

Now there are various levels of name dropping, you can quite simply say that you work for a fashion company, you can say that you are the personal assistant to a famous actor, or you can say that you work for a big movie studio (that tends to work in Hollywood for some reason).

If you wanna get ballsy, whip out your cell phone and Google the name of the owner or GM of the venue (however, be careful)...he or she maybe the person at the door.

Most of us that live in Los Angeles hate "name droppers", but in some cases it works (not in all cases though).

When I check the stats for this blog, many people seem to be reading this blog from all over the United States and Europe...which would mean that when you do happen to come to LA, you will be a tourist; so bottle service maybe your only option :)

Later tourist.

As Seen on Entourage:

Oh, Villa!!!

You once used to have such amazing nights. You were a very exclusive slice of West Hollywood night life.

Now you are on the C-List, and by C-List I am referring to "lets just see how many people even go there now - list"; or even the other C-List..."Craig's List".

Perhaps being recently featured on HBO's hit series "Entourage" may bring a few people from Finland to now buy a bottle or two whenever they arrive to Hollywood.

The fact still remains that this spot is D-O-N-E.

It seems like it was only yesterday that celebs such as Lohan, Hilton, and Leo used to call this venue home, now its more like a motel or an econo-lodge for them.



Can't wait to see what this place will be once it gets demo'd and renamed something else.

Blow me? No Thanks...

It seems as if the 80's are back, and I don't mean the music and bad clothing styles.

Why is it that, whenever you go to an after party, or even hit up the bathroom at a Hollywood night club.....out comes the cocaine?

For some people, cocaine makes them feel more in the moment, more alive, more social, etc.

However, the truth is, you are still that socially awkward, misfit from high school and college, who wants to be liked by the popular kids so badly that you'll do just about anything.

The only difference is, you now have an expensive drug habit.

I mean, we all get it. You had a hard childhood, your father liked to touch you in private places, you had to blow some restaurant manager just to get that server position at Denny's, you aren't getting any call backs from your auditions.

So in order to deal with the stress of the Hollywood lifestyle, you like to take a bump or two.

Just keep this in mind.

Drugs are for losers.

You fucking tourist!!!

MySpace has been M.I.A...

...and I ain't talking about Miami either.

O.K seriously, ask yourself this, "when was the last time you logged on to MySpace?"

Before you start breaking out the abacus (please look up the word if you don't know what this is), don't strain your brain trying to figure-out the last time you were on.

Let's just say it's been a while since you last visited the site.

Ask yourself, why is that?

Could it be that you are not in a garage band, letting everyone know where and when your next gig is?

Perhaps you have grown a bit tired of the loud music, blasting before you even get a chance to see a photo, or any information about the page you just landed on.

Or, could it be that you are not a fan of the 20 - 30 minutes it takes to load from one page to the other.

Or, could it be that the Nigerian scam artist asking you for money has gotten way outta hand?

At any rate, R.I.P MySpace, it was fun when I was in high school and college, but now you are straight up corny!

House Music (Again)?

If you are in the Hollywood/Los Angeles area, and have been out in the night life scene, then you have probably noticed the serge of "house music" nights most recently.

Sometimes these trends tend to go in waves.

However, currently there are various "house music" nights throughout the week.

Sunday nights: since the closing of SBE's Sunday afternoon house music experience at XIV restaurant on Sundays, this scene has now moved over to SBE's new nightclub (not really new but I'll cover that at another time) "MI-6" (the old Foxtail).

Monday nights: Bar Delux on Cahuenga Blvd is the Monday night spot for "house music".

Tuesday nights: Green Door has a "house music" night (I think).

Wednesday nights: Ecco Ultra Lounge features the twin DJ's the Eye Candy Twins every Wednesday night with special guest DJs as well.

Thursday nights: SBE's small little "house music" massive goes on until 3am at HYDE.

Friday nights: PlayHouse features the all out, high energy random mix of people entitled "Dirty, Sexy, House"

Saturday nights: break out the coke, "E" pills, dirty needles, and speed balls...because it doesn't get anymore wacked out, then at the major league sketch ball factory, known as VANGUARD. I mean, I've personally never partied at the psycho ward at County USC, but I've been told that VANGUARD is the exact same experience.

So, for all you lovers (or bandwagon hoppers-on) of the "house music" fad (I mean, scene), that is your complete run down of the Hollywood "house music" scene.

As soon as country music hits big, I will be sure to give all you hangers on, the up-to-the-minute update of your new favorite spots.

Later Tourist!

Keeping it real - FAKE!!!

By now must of us have a Facebook page, and by the same token we have received Facebook event invites to something at some point.

However, who has been inviting you to what?

Part of the reason why the Hollywood night life scene is so fucked up, is because of the of all of the so-called "promoters" flooding everyone's Facebook pages with endless amounts of invites to D-List Hollywood night spots.

What makes it worst is when real nobodies create fake Facebook profiles in order to con you out of your night life experience.

For example, if you live in the Los Angeles area and have a Facebook account, do a search for this person: "Lina 'Azzure" and "Sarah 'Louise".

"Lina 'Azzure" and "Sarah 'Louise" are fake profiles created by a Z-List promoter named Princeton 'Afeez.

Princeton 'Afeez promotes the following weekly venues: PlayHouse, Green Door, and Kress.

In addition, be sure and examine these profiles as well: "Wendy Corleone" and "Megan Watson" - these profiles are the brainchild of Z-List promoter: Pete Guttenberg of Superstars VIP.

Pete Guttenberg/Superstars VIP, also host nights at: PlayHouse, Kress, Social, Green Door (are you starting to see a pattern?).

I mean, its bad enough that the Nigerians con me and spam me on Myspace, Facebook and various email blast for my money. Now we've got to deal with this stuff, conning and scamming us out of our night life experience.

Spam is spam and it needs to stop.

Let's stop this and call them out on this, and delete these profiles from our friends list.

Let's clean up our Facebook pages, one profile at a time.

Yes, WE CAN!!!

LA's Fashion Weak?

Now, its time for some comedy.

LA Fashion Week is one of the biggest jokes going.

If you don't believe me then ask yourself this, name a few designers who are hosting a fashion show during LA Fashion Week? Exactly my point.

It's completely fucking random.

A bunch of no name designers, hosting a bunch of no name shows, with a bunch of C list promoters hosting their after parties at C list nightclubs in Hollywood.

Ain't Fashion Fun? LMFAO

I've said it once, and I'll say it again:

LA is not New York, Paris, London, or even Miami when it comes to fashion week.

Fashion in LA is: tight jeans, t'shirts, button down shirts with skulls & crosses with rhinestones on them (for men). Along with Forever 21's finest & BCBG for ladies.

P.s.,

Shopping on Melrose is not couture folks.

Cuz If you don't know, now you know...

Finally...a place that has done it right!

Very low-key, no signage out front, good looking people, and no bottle service shake downs at the door when you walk up.

It's a chill little dark place that's perfect for grabbing a drink and having a good time.

Now, it is kinda tiny and its really dark inside...and they don't allow you to take photos inside (a la the old "Hyde" policy).

Great spot to start off or end your night!

The Roger Room!!!

Whatever happened to....

Do you recall when this 99 person capacity venue used to be the hot little "it" spot?

I mean how hard is it to maintain a tight door policy with a venue that size? You can be super selective and have unbelievable door standards.

However this place has completely fallen off a cliff.

Example:

Tuesday nights (Yuck)

Thursday nights (B*itch Please)

Friday nights (you can count the attractive people there on two fingers...and those are the people who work there).

Saturday nights (this night has been taken over by "Red Carpet Events" partners Kevin & Javier. Holy shit!!! You will see both Crips & Bloods in there shooting dice and drinking 40's of Old English Malt Liquor).

So R.I.P Coco De Ville....you will be missed. You have now joined the ranks of Social, Green Door and Vice.

When bronzer & hair extensions go bad...

We've gone out and seen these things unfold. You know, that girl (or guy for that matter) whose skin went from being a pasty white, to an orange and brown tone, in a matter of a few hours.

I mean, I am all about looking healthy and maintaining a certain look...but seriously, come on now!

Then you mix in some super bad hair extensions and its all down hill from this point.

Why is it that these the girls who rock this look, appear to look like they are rejects from the Brett Michael's VH1 reality show "Rock of Love", or Monday nights at Les Deux?

Ladies please, shower that shit off and stop shopping at Forever 21 as well as the alley downtown.

The look is kinda played out!

This look isn't cutting it sista:



Hmmm.....

Seriously, come on now.....

There are certain things that make me just say, "seriously, come on now."

For instance, what the fuck (WTF) is up with girls on Facebook posting pictures of their feet when they are out at the clubs (seriously, come on now)?

Ladies, if you decide to take pictures of your feet, I understand that you want to show off your payless kicks, however at least get a pedicure if you must take pictures of your shoes with the peep-toe.



Then you have, "sunglasses at night in the club guy"...wow (seriously, come on now). Listen club guy, you are not that cool and/or special. It is not that bright in the club whereby you need to be wearing sunglasses 12:25 in the morning.

FYI club guy, feel free to mix in a stick of gum and some conversation game...then maybe, just maybe, you would not need to hide behind sunglasses in order to seem cool enough to talk to girls.



Finally, we have the people who text message & BBM non-stop, no matter what. These are usually the people who don't give a fuck what the hell is going on around them, as soon as that phone starts vibrating, they have to drop everything they are doing (seriously, come on now).

Hint: unless you are on-call at a hospital (that message really isn't that important) Let it slide, hold off for a minute or two; trust me, that message ain't going anywhere.


Now that's one to grow on.

A MUST See!!!

If you have truly and truthfully been a part of the Hollywood night life scene, then you know what I have been posting has been the absolute truth.

There is a movie (which you maybe able to find on cable) that is available on DVD, entitled, "The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down."

This is a MUST see movie.

If you don't like the club drama, drugs, bar hopping, fucking, after partying, etc. then you must see this movie.

This will be your weekend homework assignment.

Trust me, you will laugh your ass off!!!

Eyes Wide Open @ "Voyeur"

Brand new hot spot "Voyeur" opens tonight!

Hollywood’s after-dark landscape will unveil a new dimension this fall with the debut of VOYEUR, an intimate lounge that will draw guests into a provocative enclave where art, festivities, and entertainment converge in a sophisticated setting unlike any other.

VOYEUR brings to mind an elite, private gathering place of days past, where an exclusive mix of clientele will enjoy premium cocktails, food and revelry set against a stunning backdrop featuring live art installations, risqué photography and film elements, with impromptu performances.

VOYEUR brings to life the design concept of Josh Held Design who took inspiration from the comfort of Annabelle’s of London and the visually mesmerizing world of Stanley Kubrick’s acclaimed Eyes Wide Shut.

VOYEUR is located at 7969 Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood

Kress or LA County Jail?

Where would you rather party: Kress in Hollywood or LA County Jail?

Tough call, I know.

However, let's weigh the pro's and con's of both.

Los Angeles County Jail:

Houses various criminals, ranging from rapist, murders, drug dealers, child molesters, car jackers, people who write bad checks, don't pay their child support, as well as those who are mentally unstable.


Kress:

Houses Z-List promoters, douche bags who wear loads of hair gel, Ed Hardy, Affliction, tourists who do bottle service, girls who think shopping at the Slauson swap-meet is couture and high fashion, dudes from the valley who like to make it rain with shacks of $1 bills (usually about $35 in singles), some of the finest cars and people that East LA has to offer, as well as a security staff that used to be in prison (and I don't mean working there...if you know what I mean).

Hmmm.....let's really think about this.

You see, you are bound to see both fighting and rapes happening at both places (which is sad, yet entertaining on some level).

My choice is:



Look at it this way....even with all the fights and jail house rapes...at least you might get a better chance of seeing Lohan, Paris or any other "Young Hollywood" types in county jail, rather then at Kress.

Plus, you can always read a good book (I'm all about education).

After the club comes..."the after party"...

What makes Hollywood night life somewhat lame, is the fact that all bars, clubs and restaurants stop serving alcohol before 2am.

So, what is there to do once the alcohol stops flowing?

You guessed it, "after party".

Now, usually at the end of any given night life gathering, you will find people texting various addresses to various random houses or apartments in and around Hollywood Hills, Beverly Hills, Bel Air or even Downtown LA.

What usually happens is, people will bounce around from house to house in order to find the house with the most alcohol, music and people (as well as, the right right guy/girl ratio).

What is there to see and do at an after party you ask, well here is a brief list:
-Drugs (usually blow or "E")
-Drink (bottles of vodka is what you will see primarily)
-Music (either from an iPod or an actual DJ spinning)
-Fucking (hey, most guys will take what they can get, when they can get it)

Let me expand on the "Fucking" example.

Now, most people don't always fuck at after parties. Sometimes a girl may want a bump (i.e, a line of coke) and a guy may have some, yet she doesn't have any money....so sometimes a douche bag guy might ask her for money or to work it off in trade (you follow what I mean?).

More times than not, a guy may just get a girl (or even another guy) just drunk enough to give him a blow job (this is Hollywood...let's not be shocked by penis' in people's mouth after hours folks....we've all walked in on it happening once or twice).

Overall, the after party, may just be the party that youmay actually want to attend.

You've seen the facebook photos ;)

When cool spots go COLD!!!

This is the transition phase.

What do I mean? What am I referring to you ask?

Well, this is where a pretty cool spot moves from being hot to cold REALLY FAST.

Exhibit A:

Venue: Guys & Dolls

Rating: When it was "Guy's" (not Guys & Dolls) it was a really cool hot spot. Tight door policy, bottle service was not required, and it was pretty exclusive for the most part. Then Michael Sutton came in and bought it; changed the name to Guys & Dolls, and slowly it is turning into a B - C list spot. All because of this transitional move.

Michael Sutton has decided to let Mr BoJesse Christopher take over Friday nights there.

WHOA!!!!!!!

For those of you who do not know about BoJesse Christopher's work...let me give you a current update:

Wednesdays: Les Deux
Thursdays: Opera/Crimson
Friday: Guys & Dolls
Saturdays: Kress (3rd floor)

I believe people that get released from prison personally text him to host their coming home parties at any venue he is currently working.

Again, I always say...do not take my word for it, go to these venues and see for yourself.

When venues go to these options that usually means, it is now on to the next phase (which isn't good news in the long term).

I know that the Friday and Saturday nights at G&D have been hit recently with the higher end Ed Hardy & Affliction peeps, but this latest (BoJesse) move will soon put the venue on the same level as Les Deux sooner, rather then later.

Ask yourself this...do you want to party Friday nights with guys like this:



I rest my case your honor!!!

You've been warned: French Tuesdays?

If you want to see what some of the ugliest people to party with in Hollywood look like, then by all means check out a "French Tuesday" event.

French Tuesdays are branded & marketed as an "exclusive", "members only" social club, whereby you have to have two current members basically vouch for you in order to be granted membership rights, etc.

I don't know about you....but if you ever get a chance to attend an actual French Tuesday party/event you will be glad that you are not a member.

First, the average age of a French Tuesday member is roughly 45 years old.

Second, the average French Tuesday member are the exact definition of a tourist.

They almost have to buy bottles in order to get into most Los Angeles/Hollywood venues. Better yet, the only way they even get a chance to see some of these venues is due in large part to the fact that French Tuesdays buys out the venue.

Third, did I mention that these are not the best looking people on the planet?

Now, I'm all for partying and having a good time, but I don't want to party with the people who work in the HR department or college admins. I mean some of these peeps are straight Euro trash or your local high school principal.

If you go to their website they will only show you a few pictures from their events, of which they hand selected the few non-members who are just ok looking.

The choice is yours.

However, DO NOT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT....GO SEE FOR YOURSELVES!!!!

Yuck...

and the winner is....Thursday night

If you must go out on a Thursday night in Hollywood, then here is a clear cut winner.

Thursday nights at Bardot.

Yeah, I know...the place has been around for over a year (so it's not a new hot spot). However, the quality of people and when DJ Devin is spinning, makes for a great time.

The guys and girls are dressed extremely well, and the vibe is really cool.

OVERALL RATING: 0 Bottles

*Not for tourist and not for people who don't attend regularly.

Believe it or not, you will actually see some well recognizable faces.

You can slide through the valet ropes Thursday nights there as long as you are cool and don't look like this:



You can find this level of swagger, style and dress at: PlayHouse, ECCO, H'wood, Empire or Coco Deville.

944?

How important is 944 Magazine?

944 Magazine used to be cool. It once was the magazine to find out and discover urber hip hot spots, as well as up and coming people and places.

However, it has now become just another free magazine you read while you walk into a restaurant with a "B" or "C" grade from the Los Angeles health dept; or some lame ass boutique that will be going out of business soon.

Simply ask yourself this, "when was the last time you went to a hot 944 magazine event, or an event sponsored by 944 magazine?"

Hmmm...that's what I thought!

New Venue: Alice in Wonderland?

So, it seems that the Dolce Group (Dolce restaurant, Geisha House, Les Deux, etc.) have a new project.

It's being called "Wonderland" as in Alice and Wonderland. The inside design is really way out there.

It is located at the old "Shag" venue, on the corner of Cahuenga & Franklin Ave in Hollywood.

However be careful when ordering bottle service.

Rumor has it that the owners like to save the "Grey Goose" vodka bottles and refill them generic CVS vodka late at night, according to staff members.

So that bottle of grey goose...is really $17 vodka; of which, you just paid $425 a bottle for....you fucking tourist!!!!

And if you really want to see what people think of this place, do me a favor and click on the photo. lol

Who killed night life.....?

Several years ago, real celebrities use to go out and hit up the local venues in and around Hollywood, pretty regularly.

That was until TMZ and the random photogs began taking things to another level. TMZ killed the scene so much that even the C-List celebs don't even bother coming out.

If ain't one has even been watching TMZ, then they would be able to see for themselves, that TMZ is now reduced to stalking people at airports. How hard up do you have to be to stalk the kid who played "Webster" in the late eighties? Because that's who people want to see, right? Better yet, why not follow the cast and crew from "The Facts of Life", that should increase ratings and website traffic.

In the end, the tourist win. Now Becky Sue and Tommy Nobody who live in Kansas, see this and want to be on a reality show and put out a sex tape, so that all their friends back home can see that they have really arrived in Hollywood.

Thanks a lot TMZ.

Venue Review

If you are a tourist, looking for a nice random place to party in Hollywood then I have the perfect place for you.

PlayHouse (located on the corner of Hollywood Blvd & Wilcox ave) was made for tourists.

Imagine a place that holds 800+ people, with no real signage out front, and long lines in both directions on Hollywood Blvd. Then imagine a place with high flying aerial artist (some male, some female, and some he-shes...chicks with dicks, etc.).

Now picture a place where the local cops and mall security are making sure no one stands near the front and keeps everyone moving along (because tourists love that kind of treatment).

What's really awesome is that PlayHouse does not discriminate, they hired the guy from the "Uncle Ben's" rice box to run the door. Now that's a classy touch.

The real reason PlayHouse is for tourists...they line you up and hit you with a cover charge (every night) and/or shake you down for bottle service at the door. Who says that romance is dead in the night life scene? If that ain't love, you tell me what is?

Please arrive early and witness the quality level of the crowd (the greatest of the greatest Middle Easterns ever). Be sure and bring your cameras, so that you can show and tell all your friends back home.

Check out what the guys & girls usually look like there, so get ready to party like a rock star:



Rating: 4 Bottles rating

5 Bottles = The ultimate mega tourist palace
4 Bottles = Raging tourists hangout
3 Bottles = Great for tourists, especially if you are staying at a hostel
2 Bottles = Not really good for tourists, most tourist won't get in
1 Bottle = No tourist allowed (it's not going to happen for tourist)

Are you a "tourist"?

Do you walk up to the door at various Hollywood clubs and buy bottles?

Do you wait in line(s) at various Hollywood clubs and pay a cover (i.e; PlayHouse, Kress, Vanguard, and the Highlands)?

Do you refer to all your male friends as "bud" or "buddy", and all your female friends as your "bff" or "besties"?

Well then, according to Wikipedia you are a tourist!!!

Hollywood vs LA Fights...

[***Attention: for some reason the video codes aren't set correctly so I had to include links. Enjoy!!!***]

This is a Hollywood fight

(You may see a few faces that you know in the night life scene in this video):

Click on the text to see the Hollywood Fight: Hollywood Fight

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is an LA fight, or fights:

Click on the text to see the LA Fight: Los Angeles Fight

I love a good fight.

Boob Jobs & Blow Jobs...Welcome to Hollywood

You came to Hollywood from Kansas because you were a big fish in a small pound.

You were the most talented person in the drama department at your college. You watched a few episodes of the tv series "The O.C" and thought to yourself.."hey, I can do that. This is what I was born to do."

So you save up all your hard earned money that your parents gave you. Spending all your time searching online in the Los Angeles section on Craig's List for an apartment, in either Hollywood or Santa Monica. You find a great deal on airfare, and you are now off to chase your dream of being an actress in Hollywood.

You land in Hollywood and you don't know a soul. The apartment you found is not in Hollywood like it was advertised, its located in Koreatown, near the MS-13 gang-banging headquarters.

You go back online to Craig's List to find auditions and extra movie work. Only to find yourself paying some agency an upfront fee to be an extra (and that's if they can find you extra work).

You begin to enroll in an acting classes, were you meet some cool people (so you think). You are now happy because you were getting home sick and didn't have any friends out here. They begin to tell you were to go, and how to get around in the city.

You have been going out on auditions, but you haven't been landing the parts. You begin to notice that girls who flirt and have low-cut shirts are getting all the attention. So, it hits you..."I think I need bigger breast."

You do it. Your breast are now bigger, but not much has changed.

After countless amounts of auditions that have gotten you no where....you go out on a second call back from a major casting director. He likes your look and style. He takes your information and personally calls you for a private meeting (during off hours) at an office in the valley. You go thinking nothing of it.

Come to find out, its only you and him in his office, at nine o'clock at night. He explains to you that he thinks you are extremely talented, blah, blah, blah. Then he makes a pass at you...you are a little shocked and don't know what to do.

You see all the posters, awards and photos hanging on the walls of his office. He has help turn countless amounts of people into major television and film stars.....and you want to be next.

FUCK IT!!!!

You want to be famous so bad, this is what you have been dreaming about...no more working tables at some family restaurant, no more begging your friends and family for money.

If you do this you'll be famous!!!!

So you give in and you blow him.

He made you feel as if this would be all you needed to do to make it to the top.

Well, hold on sister. Now after all that, you never got that final call back and he begins to call you late at night to discuss some upcoming projects he's casting soon; of which you'll never be considered for any of the parts.

You now have a jaded image of "the business" and want no part of it.

Welcome to Hollywood. Where either you are fucking or getting fucked!

Think about it.

Les Deux is now CLOSED!!!

Les Deux, one of the longest running Hollywood hot spots is closing its doors at the end of this month.

Everyone (and I do mean everyone) has been to Les Deux at some point within the past three to four years. While most Hollywood venues seem to last for merely six to nine months; Les Deux was able to pull-off the impossible...lasting for over three years.

Les Deux started off as an exclusive "A-List" Hollywood venue, with a few celebrity owners, as well as countless numbers of celebrities who partied like there was no tomorrow. Then, it started to slip just a bit when the cast members from MTV's reality show "The Hills" started shooting their docu-drama at Les Deux. That is truly when all the kids from Ohio, Texas and parts unknown (aka the valley) started to visit the spot heavily on the weekends (as well as every night they were open).

However, the place really began to hit the skids once all the super underage girls were allowed inside. I mean, it was widely known that everyone could get in (with or without an ID).

Once all the underage girls got drunk, three things happened:
1. more douche bags came
2. fights broke out
3. drugs and rape

It has been long rumored that the owners would get underage girls drunk, take them to the back room(s) and supply them with drugs in exchange for sexual favors...then afterward bring them back to their patio couches for more drinking.

Most recently, the venue has been on its last legs. Hiring promoters who no one has ever heard of to keep the place going.

So here's to you Les Deux....thanks for all the memories.

p.s.,

If you wanna really see something (click on the picture for this blog post).

Warning:

So, its a Saturday night. You and four of your boys from back home come out to Los Angeles to pay you a visit. Everyone is dressed in the latest gear from Abercrombie & Fitch, the Gap and perhaps Armani Exchange, with a gallon of cologne (to cover up the fact that you did not take a shower).

[**Side note: guys please take a shower. There maybe a fifty to fifty-five percentage chance that you'll find that girl, who is just drunk enough to sleep with you that night. Nothing will sober her up faster, than if you take off your pants and your balls smell like a bunch of old rubber bands.**]

Now, you all roll into Hollywood. Walk up to the velvet ropes at Les Deux, only to get hit with the old line, "Are you on the guest list tonight?" Right then and there, you and your posse should just turn around and walk away. However, you don't because you want to have a good time tonight.

You tell the door guy that you are not on the guest list and that you are trying to show your friends from out of town a good time......you know what that means right? You guessed it...."Bottle Service"...you tourist!!!!

You get suckered into handing over your credit card and ID, and for $2,000 + 20% gratuity... you are about to have the time of your life (or until 1:45am rolls around...whichever comes first).

Now, nothing is more attractive to single ladies, than a group of five guys at a table in a night club, with not another woman in sight anywhere. One of your buddies walks around the club and asks almost every girl he sees to come over to the table and help themselves to free drinks.

A few girls come over, begin to introduce themselves, share in a little bit of small talk, then begin to CONSUME all of your alcohol (of which you only had maybe two drinks). Ouch!!!

The next thing you know all your alcohol is gone, so are the girls at your table. You see the girls who were once at your table, now dancing on the dance floor with the guys they probably will be sleeping with later on.

Mean while, the bill comes and your credit card is now being charged $2,800. Ouch!!!

Now its last call, you and the crew begin to lower your standards and see if you can score a nice make out session with the chubby girls with the cute faces, because no one has been approaching them all night.

However, they only want to give you their cellphone numbers (of which you will never call them ever...well, maybe you'll keep it just in case of emergencies).

All-and-all, you and your crew just dropped a lot of money and have absolutely nothing to show for it.

Don't let this be you.

This was a clear example of why "Bottle Service is for Tourists."

Welcome to Hollywood tourists.

See you at the Universal Studios tour.

Bohos & Douche Bags in Hollywood

OK, so I am starting to believe that if you are a straight-up "poser", you'll fit right in to the Hollywood night life scene (attention: everyone in Iowa, Arizona, New Jersey and Orange County...this is your cue to come to Hollywood right now, while the water is warm).

Ladies, the "Boho" look has been played out for a while now.

I mean, we all get it. You are a boheiman, you drive a Toyota Prius, you're going green now, you stopped getting your morning latte from Starbucks, you now get it from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, you only use your Black Berry Messenger (BBM) when it is absolutely important, you only make out with girls because its fun on the weekends after you've had a few drinks....got it; we all understand how hard your life is.

Just do us all a favor and loose the shoe string across your forehead. I know that it's a real lazy way to do your hair, and that it keeps your brain from falling out.

However, the real reason why you use the shoe string is to keep your hair back while you are giving "bjs" to casting directors during the day, and for keeping your hair back from messing up the lines of blow that you'll be doing in the bathroom at one of the Hollywood Hills after parties at 3am.


Time to switch it up ladies.




Guys, nothing says "I'm a complete douche bag poser" better than the "faux hawk" hair style...complete with the frosted tips. F*ckin classic I tell ya!!!!

If you are going to be punk rock, then do it all the way. Don't just get some lazy a** San Fernando Valley hair cut and frost the tips. Come on playa. Step your game up. Shave the sides of your head...grown the middle section out...spike it...dye it...and live on the streets and alleys in Hollywood. Now that's gangsta....Holla!!!!

p.s.,

Don't try and get cute & creative by adding lines and designs. It only makes you look like a fifth grader with a bad hair cut.

I rest my case with the picture below, your honor:



Now that's so...NOT gangsta.

Word!!!

Hollywood Night Life = Racism?

It seems as though the group(s) of people who are purchasing "bottle service" now-a-days are Persian/Middle Eastern peeps.

The problem is whenever you call either the venue owner, GM, or a promoter whom you may know to help book a table reservation, the first question they always ask is: "Hey, what do they look like?" What that really means is "What is their nationality".

Well, here is the truth people.

Almost every race under the sun will not have any problems booking a table reservation at most Hollywood clubs/lounges except PERSIANS or any Middle Eastern type group.

For example, if you call a club owner, GM, or promoter (at a brand new "A-List" Hollywood venue) that you have a group that would like to buy 20+ bottles on a Saturday night...they will ask..."what do they look like?"...the moment you say to them that they are Persian/Israeli/Middle Eastern...they will say that they cannot do it, or what they may do is raise the prices/bottle mins for that group.

In addition, if you lie to them and tell them that its a mostly white group...and they ask for a name to book it under and its some crazy middle eastern name...they will soon find out once they get there that their table(s) have been sold to someone else.

I'm sharing this information with you so that you aware, when booking a table at a new Hollywood "A-List" venue for a Middle Eastern group, that it's not going to happen...this generally the reason why!

The real reason is that Persian/Middle Eastern guys tend to act hyper aggressive, cause fights and generally get really "grab happy" when it comes to women (especially blond white girls). Once fights breakout and the young hot white girls leave and/or stop coming out, then your million dollar investment is no longer viewed as an "A-List venue/ Hot Spot" in Hollywood.


Please don't be upset with me...I'm just passing along information that any/every club owner, GM, and promoter in Hollywood knows is the absolute truth.


p.s.,

These are the venues that don't care what race you are, as long as you have a credit card & ID (hence why you will see Persians/Middle Eastern crowds there):

PlayHouse
Bar Delux
Cabana Club
Ecco Lounge
Boulevard 3
Social
Empire
Vanguard
Kress
Element
Ritual/Halo
Avalon
Falcon
Opera/Crimson
Les Deux
Any SBE venue

Pre-Game/Pre-Party (yeah, right)

As many of you probably receive (as well as I do), countless amounts of FaceBook event invites from a host of random so-called promoters. The funniest thing that most of them write (which is so high school/college frat boy) is "pre-game/pre-party at my house [not the club] then let's head over to the club in the limo, party bus, skateboard, go-cart, etc." lol.

How high school is that?

Why don't you just say:

"hey, I really don't have any money to spend on you girls at the club, let me get you semi-wasted with cheap CVS alcohol or a beer keg w/ big plastic red cups in my apartment with my 7 male roommates, and I'll look like the man walking up with a huge posse, while I get tallied for the large group so I can pay my rent this month."

Step your game up junior(s) and leave the big red plastic cups at the frat house.

Genesis - in the beginning.....

The Hollywood nightlife scene used to be...pretty fuckin DOPE!

Brent Bolthouse, his assistant Deb, Jen, Alison, Sasha, Sarah Pantera, and a few others hosted hot spots: Joseph's, Concord, the Lounge, and LAX on Wednesdays. Whereby, the barrier to entry used to be that you had to be: fresh, fly, fabulous or just a friend.

Vinnie and Chuck used to throw amazing weekly parties at: Shelter and Prey; and the line to get inside was insanely long.

Amanda Demme used to have Teddy's and the Tropicana Bar at the Roosevelt Hotel locked down. I mean, she would not let in heads of movie studios, as well as some famous actors/actresses. What can you say...she ran a tight door.

You used to have to really know someone or have off the charts style and swagger, that as soon as you walked up (even if you had a crew of 12 dudes) you were instantly let inside. No questions asked.

This was all before..."BOTTLE SERVICE" hit the scene; and I mean, it hit the scene like crack in the 80's.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Now a days, any Joe Blow with a credit card and an ID, can walk right up & pay $400 per bottle (which only cost the venue $25 each btw) to get inside. So now, you have Mohammad and his 12 buddies getting loud and crazy, making it rain with one dollar bills in the air, partying right next to one of the cast members from the reality show "The Hills".

Every person now with a myspace page, or over 500+ friends on facebook is a promoter in Hollywood..... claiming they have a table, placing you on their VIP list, wearing Ed Hardy/Affliction (or some other jeweled shirt with crosses or skulls) and sending you endless amounts of facebook invites and spammy text messages, so that you can party like a rockstar with myspace and craigslist randoms?

FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!!!


No more shaking people down for bottle service, no more Saudi randoms, no more wack promoters with no cred in the night life game.

Time to bring things back to square one....good people and good music with a tight door policy. The people want it...and the scene needs it.

LA "is not"...

Countless times you hear so many people say..."I went to ______ (fill in any random Hollywood night spot) and it was just like _______ (fill in any spot out side of the Los Angeles market).

Well folks, I'm here to tell ya....LA is not that!!!!

Let me explain.

A lot of the Hollywood owners, partners, GMs, and club promoters have partied at other places throughout the country, and even the world. Many of them see a hot spot and think to themselves... "hey, I can create this same type of vibe, look and energy in LA. This is what LA is missing." Wait up...hold-on cowboy...slow it down a second.

LA "is not" - Ibiza, Spain. No matter how crazy you blast house music there on Sundays, the corner of Sunset Blvd & Crescent Heights is not Ibiza.

LA "is not" - New York. Many times I've heard people say "this layout and/or design is just like _____ in New York. Correction homie: while the look maybe the same as the venue in New York, the vibe, attitude and swagger (I hate that word btw) of the people in LA is nothing like those of New Yorkers. New Yorkers are aggressive, straight to the point, take no shit fashion forward peeps. In LA, the vibe and attitude is "whatever buddy" and generally people are flakes & fakes (that's just my opinion).

Even LA Fashion Week is a tier 4 fashion week (at best). Most of the designers you have never heard of, even if they were sitting in your living room watching Saturday morning college football with you. Paris, London, New York and Miami fashion weeks all have a few major designers that you have heard of before. In LA, the major name is Christian Audigier/Ed Hardy and Monarchy Collection.

In New York people get dressed for dinner and going out. Getting dressed in LA for dinner and going out for guys: a clean t-shirt, tight jeans, vans or chucks and a knit cap; for girls: mac make-up, leggings, boots, 80's shirt and shoe-string wrapped around their foreheads.

LA culture is "whatever is hot" aka "bandwagon" culture. If something is hot, folks in LA are all about it (notice all the Laker car flags after they won the championship...I didn't see all these flags in March). However, once the hotness cools-off its over for that, and on to the next flavor of the moment - that's why clubs have to remodel and rename their venues every 5 - 6 months in LA.

Again, LA "is not": New York, London, Paris, Miami, Ibiza or Japan. LA is different because in my opinion, most of the people in LA aren't from LA. So quite naturally there isn't a real sense of LA culture, so there really cannot be a sense of any other regional cultures.