Saturday, October 16, 2010
***Every weekend I will post some of my older blog posts from years past.*** (Enjoy)
Listen to this.....
So you walk into the nightclub, and its filled with some of the Middle Eastern's finest wearing Armani Exchange(the new upscale Ed Hardy) and a ton of cologne (because lets face it, who needs to shower, right?).
Girls are dressed like J-Wowww & Snooki from MTVs Jersey Shore show, and some of the best house and electro music is pumping out loud through the sound system.
So what's the first thing you need to do???? That's right hit the bar, because you need to some how take the edge off of this wacked out evening already.
Now, for those who are looking to slowly get fucked up...they'll usually order some mixed vodka drink; however, those who want to feel the effects of alcohol quickly...its tequila time (usually 3 shots should do the trick). If you are still in college or Irish you'll probably do shots of Jagermeister.
By now you are pretty fucked up and the guy with the hairy chest and even more hair on his back who kinda looks like Curious George, now looks like George Clooney.
So you and him are bumping & grinding on the dance floor. You are getting hot and sweaty, and this random guy you're dancing with (whom we'll call Amir, because that's a random name) his Aqua di Gio cologne is driving you crazy (and sick at the same time).
The house lights go up, and its last call, but you're not ready to leave or at least you're not ready for the night to end. He tells you about some after party in the hills and you rally your girlfriends to come with you to this after party.
At the after-party Amir invites you into the bathroom and offers you a couple of bumps aka lines of coke.
Now since its not really quality shit, and it has been probably cut with baking soda, flour, yeast, foot power and rat poison....you really can't feel it. You stay in the bathroom and keep taking bumps until you start to really feel it.
While you are doing your fifth line, Amir is being a nice random friend. He's holding your hair back while you're powdering your nose.
However while he's pulling your hair back, he has pulled up that short, tight skirt you've been wearing, up towards your stomach and has pulled your g-string to the side, and slowly starting fingering you.
His true animal nature comes out and he drops to his knees and begins to go down on you. You have no clue what's going on because you are in a coke filled haze.
Someone knocks on the bathroom door and you guys stop what you're doing.
Amir says, "lets go back to my place this after-party sucks, way too many dudes".
You ditch your friends and head back to Amir's place in West Hollywood, somewhere off Doheny Rd.
The two of you waste no time (because its almost 5 o'clock in the morning)and get started chopping up a few more lines. The blinds are completely shut and the apartment is dark. You decide to mix in a little weed and alcohol in between doing lines.
By this time you are so fucked up that you both get completely naked and haven't even thought about sex because you are talking about random shit and waiting until the blow is all gone.
Amir has a bit of a problem getting his little penis to work because of all the cocaine he's been doing.
He finds some Cialis pills, he gets hard and you blow him (after pushing back all the hair from his hairy balls). You guys fuck all over the apartment, and then you pass out.
Its now 2pm, you have 18 text messages, 5 voice mails and 12 missed calls on your phone because your friends and family have been trying to get a hold of you.
After you have gotten up to go to the bathroom, you walk back into the room and see the guy whom you let squirt into you multiple times, because you were so wasted.
This random guy looks like a straight up gorilla, with the littlest, wrinkled, hairy penis ever!!!!
You quickly find your panties, clothes and shoes....and get the fuck out ASAP!!!!
You walk down the street to the nearest Starbucks, get some coffee and have one of your girlfriends come pick you up.
After this night you keep telling yourself, over and over again in your head...."I will never party at PlayHouse ever again".
I know this story sounds crazy but this story is just another night out in Hollywood on a Saturday night.
Doing the walk of Shame is a muthafucka!!!!
Welcome to Hollywood folks :-)